Preparing for your Marriage

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Dr. Alexander Kurian

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OBJECTIVES:

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1. From Marry Me? to I Do

2. To equip you with Biblical principles that will enable you to get ready for the biggest day of your life.

3. To evaluate the basis of your marriage and to help you prepare for a lifetime of covenant commitment and love.

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PERSONAL QUESTIONS:

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1. How did you meet? How long have you been engaged?

2. Do you have brothers or sisters? How many?

3. Are any of your brothers or sisters already married?

4. Are your parents still alive?

5. Are they still happily married?

6. What is the most important thing you have learned from their married life?

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PRELIMINARIES & PRIORITIES:

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1. What do you think is the first criteria for a Christian marriage?

2. Do you have the deep conviction and assurance that you are a genuine believer in Jesus Christ?

3. What about your present Church fellowship and involvement? Are you committed to a local Church family? Have you discussed what church you will be attending in the future?

4. Are you fully confident that your decision to get married is in the will and plan of God? Give a brief description about your experience in making this decision? In what specific ways has God’s wisdom been demonstrated in bringing you together?

5. Briefly describe your parent’s attitude to your proposed marriage? Do you sense any conflict between you and them?

6. What concrete steps do you plan to take to gain or ensure the support of your parents for your wedding and married life?

7. Is your local Church fully supportive of your decision to get married? Do you sense any conflict with your elders/pastors?

8. In what positive ways have the engagement helped you to be mature and ready for your marriage and to prepare for future intimacy and commitment.

9. Describe the goal of marriage?

10. Are you aware of any unresolved personal problems in your life that could cause difficulty/confusion/distrust in your future marriage?

11. Do you agree on the basic plan for your future marriage including the arrangements for the wedding day?

12. Are you fully aware of the importance of a Purity Covenant in your relationship?

13. Four solemn criteria to be considered for entering into a Christian marriage - NEW BIRTH, PARENTAL SUPPORT, GENUINE LOVE, MATURITY.

14. Do you agree that divorce is not an option in a Christian marriage?

15. Do you have the same essential spiritual beliefs? Do you think that this is important? Why?

 

Write down three reasons you think your partner is the one you should marry.

1.  

2.  

3.  

 

Write down three reasons this is the time in your life that you should marry.

1.  

2.  

3.  

 

In view of this, I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men (Acts 24:16).

 

TEN THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE

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1. Marriage is a lifelong commitment (Matt.19:6-8).

2. Your marriage will go through tough times, but remember its a lifelong commitment (James.1:2).

3. Be a servant to your spouse, putting her needs before your own (I Cor.13:4-5).

4. Learn to forgive and forget (Matt.6:14-15).

5. Admit when you are wrong, and seek reconciliation with your spouse (Matt.5:23-24).

6. Make plans together, but don’t be surprised when things do not turn out the way you planned (Rom.12:2).

7. Communicate often, but don’t try to change your spouse .Instead, try to encourage and strengthen each other. You cannot change your spouse, but you can change yourself (Luke 6:41-42).

8. Don’t depend on your spouse to fulfill all your needs. Only God can do that (Jer.17:5)

9. A husband must be willing to fill his God-given role (Eph.5:25-28).

10. A wife must be willing to fill her God-given role (Eph.5:22-24). (Courtesy: Focus on the Family)

 

YOUR WEDDING AND AFTER

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• Setting your goals will sharpen the focus of your marriage. Compare your functionalSetting your goals will sharpen the focus of your marriage. Compare your functional goals with the Biblical goals (Gen.2:18-24; Eph.522-33; Mala.2:14; Deut.6:4-6 etc).

• Remember: an effective leaving, cleaving, and becoming are essentials in marriage. Some aspects of leaving will be very difficult for you and for your parents, but it MUST happen. Which one will be most difficult for you?

• Ponder over specific things you will introduce into your relationship for the express purpose of cultivating companionship and commitment.

• How do you plan to make decisions in your life?

• How do you plan to resolve conflicts?

• How will you handle your personality differences?

• As a couple select at least one area of Christian ministry where you both can get involved regularly.

• Adjust and arrange your schedule in such a way that your spiritual priorities are set right (Matt.6:33).

• Discuss how you would plan for parenthood; its privileges and responsibilities.

• Remember: Marriage is an event ; but adjustment is a process. Three major areas of adjustments will be sex, in-laws, and money.

• Plan a spiritual project for your honeymoon. It may be to read a book, or study and discuss a Bible verse/ passage/ chapter/ character/ event/ miracle/ parable together. Make a brief project out of this exercise that will give direction to you for the years ahead – something that will be a real foundation for your marriage.

• Always remember the PICTURE OF MARRIAGE - the relationship between Christ and the Church.

 

For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh (Gen.2:24).
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate (Matt.19:6).